Sunday, June 26, 2011

Sarah Vs. the Black Thumb (part whatever)

My vegetable garden is in! HA! Stop laughing, it's only the end of June and in my family that's actually not half bad!

I am so not going to have vegetables before three feet of snow blows in off the lake in early October...

I'm telling myself this is so I can learn how to make seeds sprout (and I have the whole summer to try over and over again until I get it right. By next year, I might know what I'm doing.

That sounds plausible right?

Baby-proof? Ha!

"Never underestimate the problem solving abilities of those who really do have all day." -Andy Kerr

A checklist:

Baby gates-scaled
Lever style doorknob locks-conquered
Stove knob covers-mastered
Oven lock-Mom, this one only kept me out for a day, you're really going to have to try harder than this!
Adhesive strap type cupboard lock-ripped off (C'mon, I figured this out before I was ten months old!)
Interior mounted latch type cupboard lock-no problem, get a stick and scoot the chemicals to the opening, reach in and pull them out
Stuff relocated to higher ground-this only works if you bolt the chairs to the floor and take away anything I could stack and climb

To Do:

Lazy susan lock
Doors and cupboards locked with keys

Ahh! So far it's been a very productive month!


Saturday, June 18, 2011

What Goes In...

Today is diaper laundry day. Ah, the joy of discovery, consternation and straight up "What in the world?"

Let me back up...

Three weeks ago, I messed up and bought waaay too many hot dog buns. No problem, we'll have hot dogs for three or four nights right? Problem was I didn't have them all stashed in the same place so we would be to the last bun or two (and fantasizing about cereal, salad, macaroni and cheese--basically anything but hot dogs) and another sweep of the kitchen would reveal two more packages. If I had known that I had seven packages of buns I would have reversed my position on frozen bread and thrown those suckers in the freezer. To my credit, I did have Gus eat a slightly more balanced diet than Rob and I, even though I'm certain Gus was the one person in the family who didn't mind the "All hot dogs, all the time" state of existence regardless of what they do to his diapers.

So after two weeks of hot dogs for lunch and dinner...we go camping! Yay! More hot dogs! and marshmallows, and greasy burgers, and massive amounts of fruit and sand and rocks and coins and sidewalk chalk. This kid's digestive system is getting run through its paces. Lucky for me, I had opted for disposable diapers for the trip. If I were smart, I would have used them for the week after we got back while his system was still trying to sift through all that sludge.

This week's diapers have been by far the raunchiest diapers I have ever seen in my life. If I were pregnant right now, I would have thrown them all away and ordered new ones rather than having to look at a single one for a second time.

As if that weren't enough fun...we have had to sift and squish through every poopy diaper this week looking for the coin he swallowed (which I finally found today).

Incidentally...we start potty training tomorrow!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Grasping at Sanity

See that crazy lady with two carts? The one who is wearing a blissful smile like she's on a beach somewhere in her head? Don't judge me. Before today, in the last month I had been out of the house for a total of five hours...count 'em...FIVE hours without my child. Do you know what that sort of closeness does to a person?

My pastor's wife took Gus for me today for about five I could go to Walmart. I was supposed to go other places. I spent the entire time there. Having recently transplanted from a city with a reasonable cost of living and multiple grocery shopping options I was able to snub the blue and white wonder with all the ferociousness I possess. Now, we live in a place where we can't afford the milk. Seriously. Since I refuse to pay $4.00/gallon for the cheapest milk on the shelf, I now drive twenty minutes to grocery shop and I have a diminutive man on my hands that won't let me make more than one stop (no shopping the circulars or couponing for me for a bit!), I have been forced to choose between abandoning our savings plan or sucking it up and shopping at Walmart.

I was shopping for a 20 person camping trip this weekend so I guessed correctly and grabbed two carts at the beginning. Before hitting the grocery section I grabbed a gallon of bubbles and a pack of disposable diapers, immediately announcing to everyone that I was a mother. Probably every fourth person I passed had some sort of comment, either directly to me or whispered to the person with them.

"I wonder how many kids she has?"

"Boy you sure have your hands full, don't you?"

"Now there's a woman on a mission!"

"It's difficult for you to maneuver, let me get out of your way."

"Mommy! Mommy! That lady has two carts! Mommy! That lady has two carts! She has two carts! Look at how many carts she has mommy! Look! Mommy! She's getting lots of stuff mommy! Why does she need two carts mommy! Mommy! Look at that lady!"

"Did you hire a baby sitter or guilt your husband into staying home with them?"

Ahh, nothing like making yourself a spectacle. It was almost as bad as the time I bought twenty 100 oz. bottles of Tide at once, also at a Walmart if I remember correctly... Twenty bottles of Tide and a pack of Gum. $51.00 for three years worth of laundry detergent and a week of minty fresh breath. Totally worth the staring and whispering that followed me through the store.

I had so much fun I've almost forgiven Walmart for being, well, Walmart. Go ahead and stare people of Walmart, you may think I'm nuts but this is the most sane I've felt in three months!

Friday, June 3, 2011

Tuna Rain

Yesterday in a moment of mommy laziness, I dumped a pile of pasta salad on munchkin's plate and added some canned tuna to it in an effort to make it a more substantial dinner. While I put away the rest of the tuna, the child seizes the opportunity to fling tuna everywhere. The cats swarmed the kitchen, racing around, bumping into one another, knowing that any moment this glorious rain could come to an end. I couldn't stop laughing. Sarah couldn't stop laughing. And Gus, who usually gets yelled at for throwing food...was more than a little confused.