Job Interviews

Synopsis of my job interview on Friday:

Thoughts are in parentheses. In case I actually get the job, I will reveal only that it is a repetitive, part time job that requires constant interaction with customers. I applied because it is in the field I would like to work in, and I don't intend to actually stay at the bottom very long.

Him: Tell us about your work history?
Me: Well, I have been a minion of Outback Steakhouse and helped people make unhealthy food choices for five years and before that I built databases to help telemarketers maximize the money they could pump from people.
Him: Why are you applying for this position?
Me: I want to have my self-respect back
Him: So you have been in food service? When did you graduate from highschool?
Me: In '01. College in '06.
Him: Oh? You have a college degree? Why are you still in food service?
Me: I hate myself. Oh! and because I enjoy the flexibility, no one cares if you work overtime when you make $2/hr.
Him: What would you say that your greatest strengths are?
Me: My eyes, my feet, and the fact that most of the time they communicate well enough to avoid major accidents.
Him: What are your greatest weaknesses?
Me: The fact that I bore easily, am way too intelligent for this position, and I really don't care for people.
Him: Tell me of a specific time you dealt with an angry customer and how you fixed the situation?
Me: (For real?) Well, I work at a restaurant so I deal with people that are unhappy on a regular basis. First we notify the kitchen, then we, etc., etc., etc...
Him: But a specific instance....
Me: Well, yesterday the lady wanted her steak medium and it was a little too red so we fixed it and she lived happily ever after, the day before that, a man wanted his steak well done, but he said it was burnt, we fixed it and he lived happily ever after. Also, sir, I am glad to report that not one of my customers has ever sued the restaurant.
Him: Yes but specifically, how were they angry?
Me: (Stare at him like my eyes have lasers!)
Him: Nevermind, I guess that will do. Moving on, where do you see yourself in five years?
Me: (It's eight o'clock in the morning, so...in bed?) Working as your boss or President of the United States if they lower the age restrictions by then.
Him: Are you fluent in any other languages?
Me: Sarcasm
Him: I see you are working on your masters, what school is that through?
Me: (and you were surprised I had a B.A.?) Kaplan
Him: The online school? Why aren't you enrolled in a real program?
Me: It is a real program, what school is your masters degree from?
Him: I don't have one
Him: Moving along, what is your availability?
Me: Completely open, but I am still working at Outback so I need some sense of when I would be working.
Him: Well, you would only be working on Monday, Friday and Saturday
Me: So I could tell Outback the other days are fine to schedule me?
Him: It is really important you have a completely open availability, if there were a schedule conflict between Outback and us which would you work?
Me: I have worked at Outback for five years and Outback pays twice as much as you do,
Him: I would need your assurance that we would come out on top in scheduling conflicts.
Me: (What?) I don't have the position yet sir...
Him: The uniform is black bottoms, could you comply with that?
Me: (Look down in disbelief as I am wearing black bottoms). I have worn black bottoms to work for the last 7 years, I don't have a problem with black.
Him: Well, we have a few other candidates to interview, but we like you and should be giving you a call soon.
Me: (Sure you will) Thank you sir.

Now obviously I didn't actually smart off to the nice rather stupid man, but the interview definitely followed along those lines although it was considerably longer and more tedious. I am left wondering if I actually want to work for him. He seemed to desire that I smile more, but I have it on good authority from my other boss that I look creepy when I smile all the time.